When someone in the family dies, for a sibling, you're almost overlooked. Between us both, and speaking to other siblings who've lost a brother or sister, we've all said that when visitors came to the house shortly after losing a family member, it's always "how's your mum and dad holding up?" or "hope you're looking after your mum and dad". It's not "how're you?" or "how're you doing?".
The worst question we get asked when we meet new people, which has happened many times since and will happen for the rest of our lives, is "do you have any brothers or sisters?" - "no" is admittedly an answer we've both used purely for the easiness! Sometimes it's easier to say you're an only child after losing a sibling rather than having to go into the details which could end up being a long story, awkward and/or upsetting - We've said "no" if we don't want people, who aren't going to be in our lives long enough to find out, to know and THAT'S OK.
Once we realised that our entire futures, even if unplanned, had changed dramatically, it quickly spirals and branches out to everything else that you don't think about at the time. It's not until the months or years after that you start thinking about the rest of your life without your brother and sister. When both Thomas and Caroline died, we were both left as an "only child"
(Sarah now has a 4 year old brother and sister) but at the time, it's a
scary thought...
Who's going to sneak into my room for a midnight feast?
Who am I going to help get ready for prom?
Who am I going to help learn to drive?
Who will I be watching leave for Uni?
Who's new boyfriend/girlfriend will I be giving the once over when they're brought home for the first time?
Who am I going to go on random road trips with?
Who am I going to go partying abroad with?
Who's engagement party will I help organise?
Who's going to organise mine?
What about hen dos and stag dos?
(Sarah's personal worst thought) Who's going to be my Maid of Honour/Bridesmaid/Best Man?
Who's going to make me an Aunty/Uncle?
Who's going to be the Aunty/Uncle of my child?
How, if I do, do I explain who their Aunty/Uncle should be or who that is on the photos around the house?
Who will I go on a family holiday with?
Who will I have future Christmas's with and take it in turns to have the family round?
When I lose my parents, who is going to be there by my side?
These are just a few of the questions that have been through both our minds over the last 7 or 8 years since losing Thomas and Caroline and it's something that people looking into your life won't think about. I bet this has got you thinking hasn't it now?
*****
We recently found a blog by Dr Christina Hibbert about the "10 things everyone should know about siblings & grief" which really did make an interesting read - not just for siblings but for everyone! If you have another few minutes, be sure to have a read.
http://www.drchristinahibbert.com/dealing-with-grief/siblings-grief-10-things-everyone-should-know/
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